Thesis Project-67 Days

I got a late start on my writing day today.  Nevertheless, I arrived at Borders a bit after twelve noon and luckily, I was able to snatch my favorite corner spot.  The one tucked away from the Barista and the steaming of lattes.  While in my perfect little nook, the only thing that nearly ruined my sanctuary was the fact that there was a guy who sat to my right and who wouldn't stop farting.  You know, the silent bomb types.  Yuck, blah, gross!!  Something always has to add some spice to the day eh?! 


All in all, total words written today was 5,419.  Total number of pages now is 26.  The writing I generated today was deeply cathartic.  How so?  It pertained to child molestation.  I was the victim of child molestation from the years 1983 to 1987 by a man my mother lived (but never married) with and subsequently had a child with.  The scenes pertaining to this childhood memory were ones that I have been long avoiding due to one simple reason, fear.  Pulling up the memory of a frightened, shame ridden, timid, and confused six year old is a task that I had to learn to remove my 'real self' from.  Allowing these memories to resurface has taken me a few years to prepare for.  While these memories have been floating around my filled to the brim glass for quite some time, I've just recently mustered up the courage to pick them out of my water.  The raw emotion of surrender and the art of letting go.  I needed to see the 'little me' as not 'me' and simply the character that the narrator, myself, is telling about.  Not an easy task but it can definitely be accomplished.  My senses were flooded with disgust and wrath toward the adult characters and I, the narrator had to step away from the 'little me' and allow for the story to take place knowing that the real 'me' was going to be just fine.  There were seconds that I hated my mother.  Some of those raw instances wished that I hadn't gone through certain experiences but moments later I realized that without my real stories to share, I could not be where I am today.  Writing, sharing, and telling my story the way I experienced it.  


So long for now and just keep writing...